Friday, April 29, 2005

Girl Afraid

Are you there, God? It's me, Margaret.

I'm a big fan of Dan Savage and his weekly advice column "Savage Love," carried locally in the Village Voice. He's honest (even when it might hurt) and he's not afraid to call "bullshit" on people who are clearly in denial about the state of their relationships or the messages they're sending out.

But, as much as I love Dan's writing (you should definitely pick up a copy of his book Skipping Towards Gomorrah: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Pursuit of Happiness in America), its the letters he gets that really make the column what it is.

Last week, he ran a letter from a 15-year-old girl who was confused by the whole boy/girl thing (sigh—aren't we all!) She asked for advice from some of Dan's more experienced readers and they replied in spades.

The responses ranged from the heartfelt
Understand that most relationships are not forever—they have a beginning and an end. The fact that something ends does not negate the time you spent together.
to the blunt
Some guys will fuck mud. Just because a guy is willing to have sex with you, it’s not indicative that he likes your personality or finds you physically attractive.

Here's one reader's list of tips for teen girls. If any former 15-year-old-girls (or boys) want to comment, please feel free.

The 15 Things I Wish I Had Known When I Was 15

1. Confidence is sexier than big boobs, a tiny waist, or long blond hair will ever be.

2. Medicated face wash will save your life.

3. 15-year-old guys are just as shy around girls as girls are around them. Beware the 15-year-old guys who can kick game.

4. Making the first move is no longer taboo.

5. Chances are, he is not picking up on the subtle “I like you” signals you’re sending out. A smile here and “Hi” there will not be enough for him to know you like him; you may have to tackle him in the hallway with a note that spells it all out, in no confusing terms.

6. At 15, three weeks constitutes a “long-term” relationship.

7. Rejection is not the end of the world, unless you make it that way.

8. You have the boobs, you make the rules.

9. That being said, having the power of the boobs is like having the force; be careful how and when you use it.

10. Not all guys are created equal.

11. Your mom is right; that outfit DOES make you look like a whore.

12. There will be rumors.

13. Being fun and funny will get you further than being catty and bitchy.

14. He’s not as great as you think he is.

15. The most popular, pretty girl in school is just as awkward and confused as you are.

In the room downstairs
He sat and stared

In the room downstairs
He sat and stared

I’ll never make that mistake again


At 3:57 PM, Blogger mlliu said...

I think I could still use the rules now. Funny how some things (i.e., relationship dynamics) don't change, no matter how old one gets.

As for Dan Savage, I love his column and was impressed that he was able to get "santorum" voted the American Dialect Society's most outrageous word of 2004 (


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