What I hate about...the subway

pet peeve number 2
1. People who put their bags on the seat next to them, thus requiring you to stare at them until they put them on the floor. Oh, I'm sorry sir, I didnt realize your new Radio Shack flashlight qualified as a handicapped passenger!

2. People who put their feet up on the seat perpendicular to them (See above). I don't care if the train is half-empty. At some point, someone has to sit on that seat, and you've been trogging through dog shit and dirty syringes. I mean, seriously, is sitting down for 20 minutes so taxing you need to relax and put your feet up?

3. People who play games on their cell-phones without turning the volume off. How can you possibly not think that's annoying to every single person in hearing range? Really--how can that thought not be at the forefront of your mind?

4. People with iPods. Oh, I know, I know--it's not you. You keep your iPod volume down. Its just everyone else in this friggin' city listening to total shit music thats bleeding out of their ears and into my personal space. Not you.

5. Subway conductors who don't know where they're going. About once a month I hear "Nex stop, Stillwell Avenue...I mean Church Avenue." Really--its not like we took a wrong turn somewhere.

6. People who pause at the doors as they enter the car. "Ooh, what is this wonderous fairytale kingdom I've entered? Let me survey the bounty before me?" For the love of GOD, just step in a move down--the doors are closing and people are taking MY seat.

7. People who don't anticipate sudden jerky movements. "Oh my, sorry I just barreled into you. I've only been riding this train for 17 years, so I had no idea it would lurch forward as it pulled out of the station. Ha ha, isnt it cute the way I flew back like that?"

8. People who have stand at the top of the stairs to make a call, consult a map, have a conversation, or ponder whether to have another child. Is that really the best place for that. Might I suggest the middle of the street when the light turns green?

9. Girls who think I'm staring at them.
A. Im not staring.
B. Ok I am staring, but only because I can't believe you left the house this morning dressed like a 10-ruble Russian whore.

10. musicians, old noisy Chinese couples, tourists who doublecheck the map every five seconds, Chasidim, people who ask what you'r reading, crazy Jesus ladies, school trips, people who poke their heads in and ask what train it is, the smell homeless, people who hold the door open so their posse can get in and laugh about how the door tried to close on them, restless children, random backpack searches and idiots who think you can legitimately bring a sofa on the F train.